In most cases, when you are hurt, you will find that if you “give it time” you will be okay. There are, however, wounds that time won’t so easily take care of. You might have gone numb and can’t feel the pain anymore but the fact that you are no longer sensitive does not mean you are no longer being affected. What then do you do when your past horrors continue to affect you from the shadows? What do you do when what you thought was over isn’t really done with you.

“People say time will change things but it is you who will change things” check yourself for signs of a wrong turn. Have you not changed in a bad way ever since something happened to you?

7. It’s Okay To Cry. When you have something heavy in your heart, talk it out. Cry if you have to. Just not too much! The point is to find relief not to wear yourself out. Acknowledge the pain and try to find ways to ease it rather than bottle it up.

6. Be proactive. Treat your wounds. If you just cry, you become a perpetual victim. If you ignore the pain you become numb, or bitter and develop more problems. Seek a real solution to your problem.

5. You need support. Hey! No man is an island. You need someone who knows you when you are well and can tell the difference when you are not. If those close to you can’t help, (maybe they are having the same problem too) find someone to confide in. Sometimes in talking to someone or reading a book you may even figure out the solution yourself. In most cases when you shun help, you are actually allowing the problem to escape a solution by hiding it in you.

4. Prepare for disaster. Prepare for the bad as much as you prepare for the good. When the things that matter happen, there is usually no time and one way we can earn a time advantage in a crisis is by preparation. There are however issues which go beyond our readiness. Religion often teaches how to live well so that it will be well with you. It shows that if you do certain things you will escape certain sorrows and enjoy certain joys. However, the less popular part of these teachings is that some days are just dark. You have to live with the reality that life can be tough and that’s why people seek a higher power. Find the strength to pray.

3. Be fluid. Be adaptive; let go and move on. In dealing with failed expectations or loss, sometimes we just have to know that we have to accept certain things as they are and find a way to go on. It means we may have to change and that’s the nature of things.

2. Compensate and recover. Where it is possible, it is good to put things back where they were before or at least to find an acceptable replacement. Not all substitutes are adequate but we still have to find ways to ease the pain of loss. In compensation one has to be respectful knowing that some effort of paying for a loss can be insulting. While others find vengeance as a way of getting pay back, it usually creates further damage.  Another pitfall to avoid is addiction, where you compensate for a loss by a behavior which then becomes habitual.

1. Forgive. Find it in yourself to forgive others and yourself. Free yourself from ill feelings.